what I feel , what I wish, what I want :)
•Thursday 28 June 2012
Assalamualaikum :)
Its early in the morning and suddenly i want to tell like a lot of things that i cant express it to other person. which is if this moment came, actually i'm feeling down about something or i dont know, its just hard. haihh. lately bila dah masuk part 3, and officially as i'm already in Dungun, alhamdulillah things was just fine here. memang tak dapat nak diungkap dengan kata-kata or whatever again bila my family bagi kereta as my own. i'm so glad to have this understanding family.
But lately my heart always not in peace which is i dont know why. maybe i'm thinking too much about my performance for this sem. staying outside is fun with all my girls but part of it, i'm scared that i'm not be able gonna do it. for seriously, i dont wanna let my family plusly my ma down with my grades. so far yes alhamdulillah i'm able to get good score in exam even its not that really flying colours but like my angah said, i've done my all best based on my condition now. i dont know why i'm so glad when she said that.
Having Along and Angah , this both of my sister, maybe they didnt know how much i admire them. as fo along, shes have been so tough, facing all of this after abah had gone. seeing her always take care of us, in that strong face, kerja tak kira siang or malam, actually its breaking my heart. same goes to angah. muka pernat balik kerja tu, yes sometimes i just hold my tears back. you know why, because things like that make me lagilah wanna do my best here and i wanna help my family too. adik tau, maybe i'm like so manja nak itu ini dengan you guys, merengek2 or always want more, but i'm sorry, its just me. but i hope that you guys know, i'm doing all my best here. really.
As for both of my beloved cousin which is Ain and Fitri. this both people also had encouraged me to do better in life. diorang sangat amazing, always have good result in exam, memang dari kecik my goal selalu nak kalahkan diorang. hehe. diorang dah jadi macam my benchmark. plusly ain yang amek same course as me, then shes gonna continue her degree soon after she got her fastrack, fitri also dengan course dia yang sangat susah tu, i just admire them.
My ma, beloved mommy. shes just...AMAZING. really. facing all this times, like 4years without abah, i dont think anyone can do that. how i wish i can be as strong as she is. as for my lil brother, kimi chan, i'm always wanna show him this life is not easy. yes maybe kimi still young well of course hes only 13 now , and maybe hes gonna be a lot stronger than i am since abah left us when he was just 9years old, but whatever it is, i wanna set a good example as his sister. so far alhamdulillah i think he understand well.
Now its Abah. this person is super awesome which always be number one in my heart. i cant describe how amazing he is. i just wanna be like him, no matter how much amazing people out there, they cant beat my abah. like seriously. but how i wish you were here and see that adik totally different now abah. dah hilang dah adik yang always lembik, lemah and kuat menangis tu. how i have move on facing this world with sweet smile on my face and doing all that jokes to make everyone happy. but the pain that i got , the situation how i got when i hear that you gone, never gone in my mind. that was a really horror dream for me. but i know abah, adik dah dapat fikir, this is all fate. maybe before this adik tak redha, which im not matchured at that time, but i am now. alhamdulillah...
this all incident that happen in my life, people would never understand. no one will do. the pain that i feel and all that stuff. but i am so thankful my family always support me in anything i do. i have more than enough. hmm thats all i think. just do your best, be cute all the time ya ? :D okay then, assalamualaikum